Monday, September 2, 2013

The City high-flier who wrote a guide for dementia carers after losing her mother

Jan Hall's parents, Jean and John, were, she says the "ideal couple". Blissfully happy, they lived in Oakham, Rutland, where John worked as an engineer and Jean as a special-needs teacher. According to her daughter, Jean was "the best grandmother" – very close to Theo, Jan's 17-year-old son, although, as the dementia took hold, the bonds loosened. "One day he said: 'I'm not sure I want to see Grandma again – I don't want to lose my good memories of her.' "

Her book stresses how crucial it is for families to get practical help quickly. For the dementia sufferer, trusting a new face early on, before issues such as personal hygiene become a problem, is key. When the physical side of caring for Jean became tiring, John brought in help in the guise of a "cleaner" who would help with more personal care. "She wouldn't tolerate a stranger and convinced my father to get rid of her. We got another brilliant carer who got Mum to wash and do things that Dad couldn't get her to do."

Maintaining social contact is also vital. A recent US study suggests that simple activities such as day trips or seeing friends can help reduce cognitive decline. Yet Hall points out that sufferers and carers often become isolated. "Sometimes the partner can't bear telling friends what is going on, or friends can't cope and simply abandon them."

Remaining patient is another challenge. Hall says: "I could have been kinder to my mother more in the early stages. It's important to realise that your loved one cannot help their confusion. If you can keep calm, react with a hug, play music and keep off anything contentious, life will be easier."

Hall also stresses the single most important action families can take is to create a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA), enabling someone else to decide about welfare, property and money – something her father did in the early stages.

In the end, her father was worn down as Jean became more difficult to look after. "When she was first admitted to hospital for a possible minor stroke, it was the consultant who said that my father needed help. At that point he finally accepted he could no longer care for her. But she was so dependent on him that we had to do the incredibly difficult thing of having her sectioned, so that she could be admitted to a specialist dementia unit in Leicester. They cared for her wonderfully until her death."

Since her mother's death, Hall has been working with CEOs from several major companies, including Tesco, the Compass Group and Marks & Spencer. Together with Alzheimer's charities and the Wellcome Trust, they have formed the Evington Initiative, named after the dementia unit in Leicester where Jan's mother spent the last years of her life. Working with the Government, their aim is to improve the quality of life for dementia sufferers and carers. "Most of us have had experience of parents with dementia, and it gives us extra passion," says Hall.

"It's early days, but it gives me hope that, in some small way, my mother's suffering won't have been in vain.

"My mother was my best friend," she adds sadly. "We talked about everything, but she wouldn't accept she had a problem as the dementia set in. She wouldn't engage with me about it. Did she know she had the condition? I still don't know – but I hope not."

'Dementia Essentials' by Jan Hall (Vermilion, £10.99) is available from Telegraph Books, price £8.99 + £1.10 p&p. To order, call 0844 871 1514 or visit books.telegraph.co.uk. All author's proceeds go to the Alzheimer's Society

Source : http://telegraph.feedsportal.com/c/32726/f/568612/s/30addc87/sc/10/l/0L0Stelegraph0O0Chealth0Celderhealth0C10A2773520CThe0ECity0Ehigh0Eflier0Ewho0Ewrote0Ea0Eguide0Efor0Edementia0Ecarers0Eafter0Elosing0Eher0Emother0Bhtml/story01.htm